It has only been over the past few months that I have really thrown myself into my writing, even though it’s something that I’ve always enjoyed. I grew up cradling notebooks in my arms, thinking of stories I could tell and people I could write about. I’m still the same now. I’m still cradling notebooks in my arms thinking of what to write about. I have an endless amount of notebooks filled with ideas, quotes, references and thoughts about anything and everything that strikes a chord with me in any given day. I don’t know what I’ll do with them all but I always hope it’ll be something worthwhile.
It’s not just that I enjoy writing, it’s more than that. It helps me make sense of everything that’s going on in my head. Some days there’s just too much happening in my head to rationalise and understand everything. When I write, it helps me see what looks and sounds right, natural, normal and what doesn’t.
It also helps me project myself to others around me. I’m a quiet person and sometimes find it hard to find things to talk to people about, especially if it’s in a group. I tend to just retire into the corner and listen to everyone else. But that makes it really hard for people to get to know me, to find out that there’s more in my head than comes out of my mouth.
But it’s not always easy. There are some days when writing just flows from my fingertips. I sit and write 1000 words in 20 minutes because my mind is just an endless flow of thoughts and ideas. Whether those are any good or not is different question. On those days I feel like I’m doing something right. I feel like I've found my thing and it pushes me to write more and challenge myself.
Then there are days when I can sit at a computer for hours with nothing but specs of ideas in my head that won’t translate themselves onto my page no matter how long I stare into the bottom of my cup of tea for. Nothing seems to come together and a line or paragraph I loved ten minutes ago makes me stop and think twice. On those days I think, can I really do this? Do I have the patience, the drive and the determination?
I hope the answer is yes.
Despite how I feel and whether or not writing comes easier today than other days, I still try to write every day. I have a journal I write in as often as I can (read: hardly ever because I always forget about it.) I write bits and pieces for my blog and SheDid What She Wanted, even if I decide never to share them. I make notes of ideas and thoughts I have during the day that could be adapted into something else. I write down quotes and sections from books and articles that I love.
It took a while to share my writing with people. I had a blog for years that was a bit of an experiment, something to distract me from school and exams. I never told anyone about it and eventually ended up deleting it. Not long after that I decided to try again, but for real this time. I decided that if it was something I was proud of then why not share it with people? Of course I was worried about what people might think or what they might say. I thought they might not understand or even be interested. But all of my friends and family have been incredibly supportive and I've been really surprised at how encouraging people have been of it. After reading this article, my mum said, "I'm just really surprised at what's in your head sometimes." Which makes total sense. I'm way better at expressing myself through writing than talking so writing allows me to share things that I otherwise wouldn't know how to get across to people.
These past few months, or even this past year, I'm fallen completely in love with writing. And although I have bad days (like today, it look me an hour and a half to write a journal page. It just wasn't happening) with every positive conversation I have with someone it builds my confidence that I'm doing the right thing.